This Should Fix It

I love being in on the joke.

A new series for the chronically hopeful, sometimes delusional, and always self-aware.

“This should fix it,” I whisper each morning as I put on my eye masks.

It always makes me laugh—but only a little—because maybe it will?

Maybe today, these patches will cure the current bane of my face—my puffy yet also sunken under eyes—and I will reemerge a happy and whole being….

I love being in on the joke, don’t you?

The joke is that capitalism, consumerism, and the endless pursuit of perfection will ever heal you. I know it won’t, and I’m pretty sure you know that, too.

And yet, every time I click buy now on a full cart or send a link to my best friend asking “thoughts?”—there’s a tiny glimmer of hope.

“Oh, absolutely. That’ll fix it,” she quips.

It’s our little inside joke, and I’d like to invite you in on it.

Welcome to our way of tending to the endless ache of being a person.

These eye patches? Gonna fix it.
This pair of jeans? A sensible solution.
This yoga class? One-way ticket to the holy land of healed!

That’s not how it works—but what if it did?

This Should Fix It is a biweekly series where I share what I tried in my ongoing quest to become immune to the human condition. Some things helped. Some were a waste of time (and money). None of them actually fixed it—because we don’t need fixing—but some did help… even just a little.

So let’s go!

First up, let’s start with a win! Or, a win until it wasn’t.

A vibrant hand-stitched table runner I bought in Mexico last month.

It has been curing mild bouts of annoyance, minor blips of rage, and providing truly endless amounts of joy every time I pass through my dining room. Funny how bright colors and handmade art can do that.

Hilariously enough, it also provided anguish and despair this past weekend when we were making protest signs on this table. Someone — who shall remain nameless — left Otis unattended with markers, and he left an uncovered marker pressing into it. The unwashable marker bled all over it in two spots.

I am still trying to wash out the two stains and the stubborn little bits of, “How could you??” I suppose there’s a lesson about non-attachment in there somewhere, I just haven’t pinned it down yet.

The little Ikea candle holders have also been lifting my too-easy-to-take-down spirits.

Next up, hands down the silliest thing I’ve bought in a long time.

Instagram ads almost never get me, but they got me GOOD on this one. *

Lately, I’ve been noticing that my jawline isn’t as snatched as it once was, which is both unsurprising and shocking all at once. Whenever my mom would say things about enjoying my youthful face, I’d think, “I’m so sorry your face got old, and that happened to you, but that just isn’t going to happen to me.” (God, I miss my teen arrogance!) I sincerely thought I’d somehow avoid aging with a sensible combo of sheer willpower and spite.

But since that hasn’t been panning out, I bought this silly little red light face vibrator. I used it every morning for exactly 2 weeks with nothing but hope in my heart. And as is my habit, on the morning of the 15th day, when I saw no changes, I lost all interest. I’ve never been good at keeping a beauty routine, and sadly, this did not fix that.

On the plus side, it has since become one of Otis’s favorite toys. So, I guess it wasn’t a total loss of roughly $65.

And I don’t know if it’s my imagination, but his jawline has been looking rather taut! Maybe I should take it back and try again?

*(I included the link only to ensure you do NOT BUY IT!)

WARNING: IF YOU SEE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN USING THIS ON INSTAGRAM, DO NOT BE FOOLED! She IS beautiful, but it is NOT due to this little device.

Lastly, something that has healed me. Maybe this series ends here?

I present to you, Jon Hamm, in his Apple TV series, Your Friends & Neighbors.

Besides being an absolute feast for the eyes, I love the premise. Robbing from the obscenely rich? Sure. Uncovering scandal after scandal? Yes, please. A successful man in midlife questioning the point of hoarding all this wealth and still not finding satisfaction? Amen, friend.

The only downside is not being able to disappear into 8-10 hours of this show all in one sitting. Waiting a week to enjoy a new episode is probably helping me work on my impulse control, but I never asked for that. I prefer to devour a show whole, lick the plate clean, and feel slightly disgusted with myself for having consumed it in such a way. Despite that, 5 STARS, no notes.

Just as I was about to cancel my Apple TV subscription, he pulled me back in. Damn you, Jon Hamm.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this new series! I would love to know what little things you’ve found this week that were a huge miss or helped fix it, even just a little.

See you back here very soon for our regularly scheduled programming, aka my latest existential crisis.